"The quintessential muffstuffer - oops, I mean stud-muffin"

Prodigy interview: "Well, well, well ... put those floppy disks away here comes the man with the biggest hard drive in professional wrestling ... Joel 'I've got more RAM than you can handle' Gertner"

"At this time we were going to show you clips of Terry Funk but we couldn't dig them up, but even if they did our stations don't encourage us to use black and white footage"

In regards to Big Dick Dudley: "Attached to the creature who last night impregnated your mother ..."

"Well, well, well if you got an hour, I've got the power. Joel 'You can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat' Gertner"

"Joel 'The man who is so big he can't help from hurtin her' Gertner"

"I don't know what I'd too if I woke up in the morning and I wasn't me"

"Joel 'Bigger and better than the Titanic, because only 400 women went down on the Titanic' Gertner"

"Joel 'Put your lipstick on my dipstick' Gertner"

"And you know, now that I've pounded the hype out of Lance Wright, I think it might be time to whip the smiles from Joey Styles"

"The quintessential studmuffin, Joel Gertner - remember that name, you'll be screaming it later"

"Joel 'Point the direction you want my erection' Gertner"

"Joel 'Harder than the tree that hit Sonny Bono' Gertner"

"And then there's me - I'm like milk; I do a body good."

"Squeeze my lemons till the juice runs down my leg"

"I'm hotter than a 15 year old girl in a field hockey skirt"

"Joel 'Just like the Rubix Cube, the more you play with it, the harder it gets' Gertner"

"I am the peeled banana in your fruitbowl of love"

"And there's me, Joel 'The biggest ladykiller in Buffalo since O.J. Simpson' Gertner."

"Joel 'So hot I gotta get in the sauna just to keep cool' Gertner"

"I am the quintessential studmuffin, Joel 'Delivers more package than UPS' Gertner."

"Joel 'I'm like the middle of the litter box...I'm always surrounded by pussy' Gertner"

"The man who drove Beulah McGullislutty into the mat so hard she didn't know whether to urinate, defacate, or ejaculate, I present to you Buh Buh Ray Dudley."

"Joel 'The girls like to call me Fred Flinstone because they love the way I make their beds rock' Gertner"

"Joel 'I've busted more nuts than a peanut factory' Gertner"

"The quintessential studmuffin, the man whose wit is more tongue in cheek than a lesbian orgy, Joel 'The man whose phone number is on your girlfriend's speed-dial, because she loves the way I sixty-nine her' Gertner"